Weak

hala oie, gina kapoy man pud diay ko noh? not physically . . i mean . . Gah, i dunno, basta gi kapoy ko w/ something. huuur wala lang jud koy kusog to do it, mind setting lang man unta ang kaylangan. sheeeesh and here i'm thinking how badly i needed a break, how badly i needed to get through this, coz' ya know why? If I don't? i'm gonna break! i'm a the point where i feel like just one more of whatever it is that's bugging me and i'll crack! seriously. i've said this a lot! i keep saying this so much that i'm starting to lose count.. and EVERY SINGLE TIME i tell myself to do it, a freakin' 'force' happens/comes and i go back to square one. yeap, Square One! not a few steps back, noooooo. it's always freakin Square one!!!!!

come to think of it, now that i recall just how often i say what i say and try to do what i've been meaning to do, and just end up not doing it? it frustrates me! i mean i feel that i can do this, i really REALLY want to do this, i NEED to do this (for my own freakin sake), i just don't know if i CAN. i don't get how weak i've become, i don't know when i started going feeble. i mean this should be easy! no really, it should, no, scratch that . it IS! but why can't i? why do i fail myself because of one teeny little factor?

i think i need to read my journal again. try to refresh my thoughts on the subject, maybe i'll be able to get some insights, maybe i'll be enlightened, maybe i'll get the answers there. ok, it's settled, i have a date with my wimpy when i get home.

enough with all this drama. all this thinking is getting my head screwed up. ok, stoic mode. *breathes and closes eyes, phew* (Barbie w/ a smile plastered on her face) ^__^

Arrivaderci

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