Inspiration-Less??

wow. so it's just now that i realized that i have no special someone. no 'someone' that gives me the 'butterflies in the tummy' feeling. not looking forward to doing a particular something for the sake of doing it w/ that someone. not going to places just to see if that someone is there. i mean yeah, sure, i have crushes, heck if its just a crush were talkin' bout i have tons!

but what i am pertaining to is the real special someone, your inspiration! one that makes you look forward to the day ahead. that makes you do things you hardly do just to be able to be w/ and see him. yeah, i know. petty as it may sound to be and do those things because of a person but it's the undeniable truth.

we/you do those things just to get that fluttery feeling in your insides that YES irritates you but i know that you like it that you even get to a point where when you see him or when  your w/ him or even just the simple thought of him you get that unexplainable feeling that when heightened could result to you not being able to breathe or think or act like you normally do. ^_^

i just recently was able to move on from a supposed 'something' or more like from a someone. it was the kind of something that involved everything i mentioned above and so so much more. but much like every other story about this, it went sour. so i too have gone through the depressed, helpless, hopeless, (not to mention be & act really very truly stupid), needy, desperate and downright sad dramas as well. actually you have no idea just how much! lol and then some ;)

but enihu, after having been through the normal stuff i have finally found the strength to accept the fact that whatever is, well, IS. i then was slowly able to move on. to move on and to go on w/ my life. w/c is the one i'm having and happily (well, sort of) living right now. but like what the first part said. i have come to realize that i miss being in-♥. yeah! i miss having someone there that is reason for me to look forward to my day. that makes me take a bit more 'extra' effort in the morning before i leave just in-case i see him or bump into him. the fluttery feeling you get when your looking at him. and how your heart skips a beat when you see HIM looking at you. ^^, *sigh*

these things may and does have a huge risk of getting your heart broken and even losing yourself. but w/ the most part. it can be the most amazing thing.. 

"Lets Get Wasted" - B-day girl

hahaha okay, if you know you then you might be thinking WHAT THE FU?!!? barbie get drunk?!? hahaha and to those who really  know me would think more like . . 'HAHA yeah right! Barbie? DRINK?' yeah! you heard it right... i don't drink. (and just in-case there are sarcastic people present, by drink i meant alcoholic stuff. just to make things clear:P ait?!!)

enihu! the title actually is addressed BY-TO-& FOR my very very dear friend JOANNA "ROUGE" LIM..

you see this dudette right here is celebrating a new chapter in her life.. char! at ang seryoso nang phrase.. but really i just wanted to say to my dear..

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

LOTSA HUG!

MUUUUAH!

BYE - - -

*SIGH*

*SOB* *SOB* *SOB* 

Blessed

same as the one i posted on my FB wall. a rundown of all the awesome people who showed some love on my twenTEEN-first b-day! :)) so this is now the updated version. :)

• 78 Facebook Wall post greets
• 17 messages still on FB
• 27 chats (FB)
• 26 texts
• 6 calls
• nth power of how awesome my family were.
• & 6 awesome people who celebrated w/ me till the break of dawn.. 
• ^_^ kulang nalang nun we were wearing proper attire-ations para makapag simbang gabi.. LOL = special mention to the two awesome(s) na hinatid talaga ako sa bahay kahit late na. and to the one who insisted we walk from damosa to our place.. haha
• THANKIE also to Sir Alex (Light Repast) for the free rounds of booze para sa kanila.. and for being so patient kahit na inabutan kami nang anong oras.. LOL

TO MY EVER DEAREST FAMILY FOR MAKING MY B-DAY POSSIBLE! :)) KAHIT I WAS A PAIN AT SOME POINT (HECK I THINK KAHIT NGAYON LOL) SA INYO, THANKS FOR STRETCHING YOUR PATIENCE TO IT'S VERY LAST ACRES PARA LANG PAGBIGYAN AKO! :)) esp. Te Chic & Kuya for the efforts sa pag luto .. and of course te for the efforts sa pag bili nang gifts.. :) LOVE YOU!

another special thanks to Batch 1 or more like the pre-birthday part held at CDO. it was weird, crazy, confusing & irritating but SUPER FUN experience.. :) thankz Bro Olik for that :))

A Jumble of FUDGES!!

disclaimer? i have no idea how this post is going to come together. but just to let you all know. i am saying what i feel. and since it's MY page? i'm going to write whatever i want.

ok here goes.

i have this "mood" lately. it's, well, - like what my title states - A JUMBLE..

to put things in simplest terms. i've been a BITCH!

and it is only now that i admit this. tot he people who really know me. to those who cared enough to really understand how i am.

THE MEANER AND BITCHIER I AM?! is equivalent to how fucked up i feel..

meaning, the more i act like a bitch the more i want to break down and cry.. and thats when i need you guys more!!

Too Much! :(

i don't get how some people can be very VERY STUBBORN!! ikaw! oo ikaw, you'd know i was referring to you when you read this. please lang hah.. i already said my piece. and this post right here is just to validate what i said during our countless convo's. you are truly very stubborn. you already know how i feel, how i felt. now can you please stop insisting and lets be civil.

we had our chance. and i tried. i really REALLY tried. but i just didn't feel it. and now I'd like us to be what we were before. and you know pretty damn well that we could be if you'd just get it through your head that we can't be what you want us to be. kapoy man gud ug maka walag gana every time you insist na we give it another shot. i've made up my mind. and i've told you that for many times now. 

i ask you now. PLEASE. let it go. wag mo na pilitin. stop na. kay i feel na mu lang nang maka daot sa atong friendship. pasensyoso baya ko when it comes to my friends. but your being way too kulit. and its irritating na.. please stop it na. lets just be what i'm trying us to be.. FRIENDS ok?

oh and by the way. 

i apologize for whatever transpired sa chat exchange nyo nang bestfriend ko. i'll get the facts later but if it's what led you to do what you just did then i'm sorry.

Two Places

"The only two places where i feel absolutely safe are either in a bed with fresh, white sheets and pillows surrounding my head. or in water. like in the bottom of a swimming pool. alone. weightless. peaceful. nobody talking. nobody pretending. just being them. those are the only two places. everywhere else i get smacked in th face with arrogance, ignorance & shallowness. they knock me down and leave me bleeding on the floor."